Friday, July 2, 2010

Dare 4

Good morning! I am on my last packet of Blueberry Green Tea. It is a sad day to see that go. So delicious. I will have to find more at some point!
Have you been taking any of the dares? Yesterday, I did the most selfless thing I believe I've ever done in my life! All for the sake of love:0 If you have met me in person, you know that I despise Harry Potter. I really do not understand what the big deal is. I don't get it. The lack of interest I have for Harry Potter can not be topped for your lack of interest in anything. Really. Zane insists that one day, when we have kids, we will read them Harry Potter. No thanks, hubby! Let's read them The Chronicles of Narnia, The Lord of the Rings, and the Beatrix Potter books. But Harry Potter?? Well, upon reading my love dare for yesterday, I knew exactly what I needed to do. Zane has read all the books, but he doesn't own any. So...I bought him Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone. Then, I wanted to be extra nice and bought him The Hobbit by Tolkien. (He has never read it and has really been wanting it is at his fingertips.) So what do you think? Did I pass the dare with flying colors? Despite my dislike for the Harry Potter obsession in the world, buying the book was well worth the smile on Zane's face, the hug, and the kiss. I guess he was surprised and incredibly thankful.
"How precious are Your thoughts to me; how vast is the sum of them! If I should count them, they would outnumber the sand." Psalm 139:17-18a.
Today is all about being thoughtful towards your spouse. Love thinks. It is so easy to think of ways to be kind, considerate, and thoughtful when you are in love. When 'falling in love,' our thoughts are completely consumed with who we love. We can't focus on anything else! We think love before we act love. So many marriages fall apart these days...I wonder how many people would admit that they stopped thinking about their spouse? That they just didn't care? Kendrick sums up the lack of thought in love like this: "for most couples, things begin to change after marriage. The wife finally has her man; the husband has his trophy. The hunt is over and the pursuing done. Sparks of romance slowly burn into grey embers, and the motivation for thoughtfulness cools. You drift into focusing on your job, your friends, your problems, your personal desires, yourself. After a while, you unintentionally begin to ignore the needs of your mate."
Wow. While that makes perfect sense (I mean, I can see how that happens) is so sad to think how often that occurs. What it must be like when someone starts sensing that they are no longer thought of...that they are being breaks my heart. While I couldn't ever see Zane losing thought of me, I definitely want to be aware of his needs and make sure he knows that one of my greatest motivations is loving him more. "Thoughtlessness is a silent enemy to a loving relationship!"
But friends, let's be honest...most of the time we hint at ways for our husband to be thoughtful and expect him to figure out the clues so he can meet our needs. But men think so differently! (Frustrating to learn as a newly wed...but Zane let me know before we got married that I need to spell things out for him...still, I hint. I can think back on so many times my mom hinted at my dad...that didn't turn out well either. Men are not very good detectives of words!) Zane makes it easy on me, though. He says what he means. He is literal. But for women..."A woman deeply longs for her husband to be thoughtful. It is a key to helping her feel loved. When she speaks, a wise man will listen like a detective to discover the unspoken needs and desires her words imply. If, however, she always has to put the pieces together for him, it steals the opportunity for him to demonstrate that he loves her."
I must confess, sometimes I try so hard to leave obvious clues to my needs that if Zane doesn't read between the lines, I punish him for not caring enough. I guess I need to better learn how to communicate it isn't so hard for him to demonstrate love. While Zane needs to listen..not just hear, but listen to me...I need to not say one thing while meaning another.
"The thoughtful nature of love teaches you to engage your mind before engaging your lips. Love thinks before speaking. It filters words through a grid of truth and kindness."

Today's Dare: During the day, have no agenda other than asking Zane how he is doing and if there is anything I can do for him.
Yesterday's Dare: Be selfless.
Dare 2: Be kind.
Dare 1: Be patient.

Inspired by The Love Dare.

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