Thursday, May 27, 2010

Come Jesus

Come thou fount of every blessing. Tune my heart to sing Thy grace.
Streams of mercy never ceasing call for songs of loudest praise.
Teach me some melodious sonnet sung by flaming tongues above.
Praise the mount! I'm fixed upon it. Mount of Thy redeeming love.
Here I raise my Ebenezer. Hither by Thy help I come.
And I hope by Thy good pleasure safely to arrive at home.
Jesus sought me when a stranger wandering from the fold of God.
He to rescue me from danger interposed His precious blood.
O to grace how great a debtor daily I'm constrained to be.
Let Thy goodness like a fetter bind my wandering heart to Thee.
Prone to wander, Lord I feel it. Prone to leave the God I love.
Here's my heart, Lord, take and seal it. Seal it for Thy courts above.

This song has been on my heart the last few days. It has been all I have wanted to post...yet somehow, I felt song lyrics would not be good enough. Oh, friends. The title of my site is Melody For Thy Name. What is a better melody than a life living out these lyrics. I would love for my life to be as beautiful as this song! The last verse is one of those guessed it..makes me cry. Every time it is sung in church, or on the radio...friends, I get so choked up the sound coming out of me as I try to sing is not...melodic. I'm pretty sure God mutes me in those moments so the sound doesn't hurt His ears. Still. O, to GRACE, how GREAT a debtor DAILY I'm CONSTRAINED to be. If I did not pray for God to bind my wandering heart to Himself...beg Him to do so...I do not know where my heart would be. I am prone to wander. O Lord, I feel it. I'm prone to leave the God I love! I have to be aware of my deep need for Him. I must ask God to be gracious enough to teach me to love Him more.
Lord. Here is my heart. Take and seal it. Seal it for Your courts.
Have a wonderful day! Go and enjoy the beautiful sunlight God has given us!

Tuesday, May 25, 2010


Good morning! How are you doing today? My day started off way too early. Zane had his first day at his internship yesterday, and it went splendidly. However, due to the location of his internship, we are carpooling to Atlanta in the mornings, where I drop him off, and then drive myself back to Lawrenceville for work. Can I just tell you, waking up at 6 am is hard for me! While I may be a morning person around 9 am, I am most definitely cranky at 6 am. (Though if I were to wake up to Crepes or Donuts, my mood might be...overwhelmingly joyful!)
I haven't written anything for you since my beach trip. It was a blast. Way too short, as most vacations are. And I do believe my sunscreen must have expired due to me still getting burned despite the insane amounts of reapplying I continuously did throughout our time on the beach. I won't complain about that though! The sunburn is not bad enough to take away from the perfect temperature of the water, the stream of Vitamin D raining down on us, fantastic company, and games that we played. Haha...I'm sorry for laughing at someone's expense, but, one of our friends, while preparing to jump for a frisbee, must have stepped on a crab in the water that did not take too kindly to his foot. He was then both laughing and hopping on one foot, I believe more surprised than hurt. Still, it was a blessed time!
Now that I have you caught up with the trip...let's change course. Let's get emotional!
I heard a song on our commute in traffic today. I have heard it many times before; however, this time I actually listened to the lyrics. Friends, I am such an emotional person. I truly do cry over everything! Just last night I cried during 24. I cry over stories on the radio. Tender commercials. During the Olympics. Goodness, I am a cry baby! While listening to this song, I was majorly choked up. The lump in my throat made it hard to breathe...but I hate crying in front of Zane, and he was still in the car with me. Haha...doesn't it just scare guys when a girl cries all the time, over the most random things! I would be a sorry male if that was my gender! So, I held it together, knowing I would share the song with you and be emotional then!
This is my thank you to God who blessed me with such wonderful parents, whose ultimate goal was to love me dearly and give me wings of my own. To show me Christ that I may live life free. I know this was the song of their hearts as I was growing up. And dear friends, it is and has been the song of my heart for my unborn children. (It is ridiculous, I know, how much I love my children already...and my hubby and I are still a good ways off from talking babies!) Without further ado, this is Mark Harris' song, Find Your Wings.
If only for a moment, you are mine to hold.
The plans that Heaven has for you will all too soon unfold.
So many different prayers I'll pray for all that you might do.
But most of all I'll want to know you're walking in truth.
And if I never told you, I want you to know as I watch you grow
I pray that God will fill your heart with dreams.
And that faith gives you the courage to dare to do great things.
I'm here for you whatever this life brings.
So let my love give you roots to help you find your wings.
May passion be the wind that leads you through your days.
And may conviction keep you strong, guide you on your way.
May there be many moments that make your life so sweet.
It's not living if you don't reach for the sky.
I'll have tears as you take off, but I'll cheer as you fly.
I pray that God will fill your heart with dreams.
And that faith gives you the courage to dare to do great things.
I'm here for you whatever this life brings.
So let my love give you roots to help you find your wings.

Okay, don't tear up! I have been but am trying to keep it under control since I am at work.
Mommy and Daddy--You gave me roots, and you planted my roots in the best soil of all, God's hands. I love you so much, and hope and pray God grants me the grace to love my children as you loved me.

Friday, May 21, 2010

Beach Trip

Good evening! I hope you all have had a great day! Mine has been filled with sunshine, great seafood, and many other blessings. My husband and I enjoyed many hours on the beach, most of which were spent in the ocean throwing a frisbee back and forth, attempting to dive into the waves, yet being fairly unsuccessful due to the undertow.

During our joyous time, the water in our basket spilled over. This caused our camera to be unworkable, my phone to be destroyed, and my books sustained water damage. I'm still drying them out, which I hope works. The notes are too numerous in So Long, Insecurity for the water to not dry up, right? My other book, Chosen, the Lost Diaries of Queen Esther, is having a more difficult time, but since I have only plunged a few chapters in, no notes have been lost. That book will be easier to replace.
Nevertheless, this is a very relaxing time. The Blalocks and Woottons showed up around 4 pm today, and we have been enjoying our time since. We went to a fantastic seafood restaurant this evening for our dinner, Bill's Bayou Crab House (I think that was the name). Zane and I split 1 dozen chargrilled oysters, and 2 soft shell crabs. We finished off with a Key Lime Pie...well, Zane did. The waiter could tell by our discussion that I really wanted the Peanut Butter Orea Pie; therefore, he brought me one for free. Absolutely delicious!
Dear friends, I am thrilled with the time God is giving us. The great friends He has given me to share in this vacation, and the fantastic husband who enjoys relaxing, and throwing the frisbee, and eating...goodness, everything that I love:)

The ocean is so vast. The sky, so beautiful. Friends...great friends are priceless. Just looking at the menu at dinner, I was taken aback by how many different types of crabs there are. Do you ever wonder what it was like for God as He created all of creation? Why was a King Crab not enough? Why did He make so many different others. What made Him decide that the ocean would be multiple colors, depending on depth? I am overwhelmed with the beauty God allows each of us to see. There is so much beauty it is impossible for us to take it all in!
"When I look at Your heavens, the work of Your fingers, the moon and the stars, which You have set in place, what is man that You are mindful of Him, and the son of man that You care for Him? Yet You have made him a little lower than the heavenly beings and crowned Him with glory and honor. You have given him dominion over the works of Your hands; You have put all things under his feet." -Psalms 8:3-6

Wednesday, May 19, 2010


I updated my template today! I hope you enjoy it. Due to the miles of sunflower fields throughout Romania...and my passion for Romania, I had to make this template mine!
By the way, good afternoon! I hope you have had a wonderful day so far. Mine is full of relaxing from here on out:) Tonight, the hubby and I will pack for our beach vacation, and then get on our way in the morning! I am so excited. Once I figure out how to upload pictures, I will share some from our trip-to-be.
Do you ever listen to worship songs in a foreign language? To me, there is nothing more beautiful on this earth to listen to than the sound of praises, in all voices and languages, singing to our Creator. Therefore, I would like to share with you my favorite song, 'Baba Yetu.' Baba Yetu is the Lord's prayer, sung in Swahili. It actually is the theme song to a video game, I believe called 'Civilization.' Can you believe it?! A video game, and as you civilize society and conquer new lands, the Lord's prayer is being sung in the background.
I, for the life of me, cannot figure out how to share the video on here. So, I am asking you to go to, type in 'Baba Yetu', and listen to it! Let me know what you think of it!
Have a beautiful evening, and I will tell you later of my wonderful time to be had at the beach:)

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Sitting on an Ice Block

Good evening, friends! I hope you had a wonderful Tuesday. The week isn't quite half-way to the weekend...but it is for me! Oh yes. Because on Thursday, we are headed to the beach, and I cannot wait. This will be our vacation for the summer...4 brilliant days, and I am going to soak it all in! (Hopefully without the sunburn...)
I know I have told you this before, but I am so blessed to have wise and open women to share with in Women's Biblestudy. I adore Tuesday evenings and all the stories we share. The praises to God and the prayer requests. The insecurities and fears. And the desires for God to heal the wounds in our lives. Friends, God has blessed me so much with these women! And yes, the funny title for this blog did, in fact, come from our time shared together. It evolved from our discussion of tearing during childbirth. Yes. Before you turn away in disgust, the funny part about a painful, funny I know someone who happened to have to sit on a block of ice for a full 24 hours because of tearing. I don't know about you, but for me, who am childless at this point in my life (except for my 2 beautiful pups), that makes me NOT want to push any thing out of me. Adoption, which is already appealing to me...well, I could definitely only adopt if it would keep myself from sitting on ice. Oh, the numbness of it all!!!
Speaking of numb, have you grown numb to your insecurities? Are you so preoccupied putting on a secure mask to allow God to mend your wounds, your fears? To let Him clothe you in strength and dignity? If I can say one thing in this post, it is to ask you not to ignore the areas of your life that need a Saviour. God is waiting to take care of you. He just wants you to ask for help. And when you do, I guarantee you that He will come to your aid.
"This is the confidence we have in approaching God; that if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us. And if we know that He hears us--whatever we ask--we know that we have what we asked of Him." 1 John 5:14-15
Do you remember my revealing post of my own insecurities? How afraid I was that God wouldn't use me in a great way...but even more so, that He didn't want to? In Beth Moore's book, So Long, Insecurity, she quoted someone saying, "I sometimes feel insignificant--like I was born for something great but that I wasted it and I'll never get there now. I wonder if God gave my resources to somebody else like the parable of the talents." Did that sum up how I felt, or what! Now, since then I have grown, by God's mercy and grace, to trust He has a purpose for me and will see it through. (It had something to do with spinning out on I-285 and firmly believing at that moment, God has me here for a reason. Praise God! Now may I open my eyes and ears wide enough to follow His perfect will for my life!)
First, before we can become secure, we have to get our strength and dignity back. Insecurity causes us to do such stupid things. Hurtful things. Things that we later loathe and are disgusted in ourselves for doing. Insecurity can make us feel dirty. Used up. Unwanted. Unloved. Unattractive. Undesirable. Confused. Lifeless. Alone. Fragile. Angry. Depressed. Insecurity is just painful, no matter how you look at it. And sitting on an Ice Block, while it may numb the pain, it will not heal you. Only time can...God's time. God's hands.
Mark 8:22-25 says, "Jesus came to Bethsaida; and they brought a blind man to Him, begged Him to touch him. So He took the blind man by the hand and led him out of the town. And when He had spit on His eyes and put His hands on him, He asked him if he saw anything. And he looked up and said, 'I see men like trees, walking.' Then He put His hands on his eyes again and made him look up. And he was restored and saw everyone clearly."
Jesus was not content to 'improve' the man's sight. He wanted to heal his sight...entirely. Friends, becoming secure women (and men, if you are reading this) will take time. "It is God's will for you to have your dignity and security restored...God wills for us to walk out the depth and breadth of our lives with dignity and security. Neither God nor you have anything to gain by your persistent insecurity" (Beth Moore). He will give you security. He will restore your dignity. All you have to do is ask, and lean on His unfailing love!
Beth Moore felt led to have her readers pray during a particular chapter. A 30 minute of uninterrupted, soul crying out, heart wrenching, eye opening, deep intimacy kind of prayer. And it was so worth it. I won't write out the entire prayer. But I do want to share with you a little of it. My prayer is that this will resound so deeply within me that God strengthens me day by day for His glory. I also pray He will strengthen you the same. And that we can become secure in Him, together, as we walk through this journey of life. Pray along as you read if you feel so led. But please, pray for me as I seek security in Christ.
Dear God,
I come to You this moment because I need some things only You can give me. I need restoration, Lord. Your desire is for me to be free of every unhealthy motivation. Reveal any place these traits reside uncontested in me, and supply the courage I need to refuse to do their bidding. As You reveal Yourself to me, I ask that You also mercifully reveal myself to me. Help me to trust that You only shed light where You're willing to heal. Forgive me for turning too many things into competitions. For being so fixated on what I don't have that I leave the gifts You've given me undeveloped and much less effective than You intend them to be. Forgive me for my unbelief. If I realized how valuable I am, my insatiable need for affirmation would be quieted. Help me to recognize any form of pride or unbelief and to refuse it immediately. Flood my life with purpose and compassion. Be my strength in weakness. Grant me the gift of healthy grief that does not fight the pain or the process of healing. Where I lost innocence, grant me integrity. Don't stop until You've made a miracle of me. You are my security, O God. You are the one sure thing. When everything around me shakes, You are unshakeable. You knew what You were doing when You formed me in my mother's womb. Nothing is without purpose. Nothing has thrown off the plan. Every gift, challenge, and obstacle is meant to shape the specific destiny You ordained for me before time began. Your intent is to make a wonder out of me and show what You can do through me. you mean to increase the praise that comes to You because of my life. Help me to resign my position as a game player and manipulator without resigning myself to a life of misuse. Clothe me with strength and dignity. Give me the discernment to call a lie a lie. Make me the kind of woman a little girl could follow to dignity and security.
In Jesus' saving and delivering name,

Be blessed, friends! I love you, and am praying that you also will be clothed in strength and dignity...and security in Christ.
--This blog is inspired by Beth Moore's book, So Long, Insecurity.

Monday, May 17, 2010

Faith without Works

Good afternoon, dear friends! How are you doing today? I hope you had a beautiful weekend...mine was splendid. One of my favorites, actually, since we moved to Athens! I awoke Saturday morning to my husband making know your day will be fantastic when you start off to something like that!
My LifeGroup finished off Crazy Love by Francis Chan this past week. We were not able to meet to discuss the final chapter, so there will be an update on here once we do. However, throughout the whole book I have been overwhelmed with how much God loves me. How much He has given me! My blessings are overflowing daily. Francis Chan challenges Christians to live radically for Christ. Whether that means becoming a missionary in your city or a foreign country, downsizing your home to give money away, upgrading your tithe even though the economy matter what it is, if God moves you to do something, you obey. No questions asked. You just do.
Umm...let me just say here for a moment that I am a question asker! I want to know absolutely everything there is to know about anything you think you may want me to be a part of. I am not very good with the 'obey' part without knowing the 'why, when, how, where, and can I finish eating this piece of chocolate' part as well. Oh dear friends, I am so ashamed at my lack of faith! I do not know how many times I have said, just on this blog, that God's will is good and perfect. I know He promises that. And I believe it...when it comes to all of you:) It is so difficult to believe it fully when it comes to me and His calling, and...He does have billions of other people to be concerned with. Is He sure He meant me?
I hope God uses Crazy Love to dig deep in my soul and make my Spirit anew. To be transformed to His mind conformed to His thoughts. I hope God works His Spirit in you as well...that you may grow in His will as your journey deepens with Him.
That's it...I don't have any deep lesson. I just wanted you to know that I hope and pray God moves us in a radical way, to radically obey Him! God bless each of you!

Friday, May 14, 2010


Good morning! I am thrilled that it is Friday! No plans this weekend...which means I get to relax. Somehow, that seems perfect.
Real fast, before I get to my 'lost' topic, I just want to say a thank you to the dear friends I have made while living in Athens! God has been so good to me by putting fun and uplifting girls in my life. While I miss my friends in Chattanooga terribly, God is allowing me to start new friendships...and you can never have too many friends. It is so refreshing to be a part of a circle of friends that are seeking Jesus in their lives. Truly a blessing.
Perhaps you have grown use to me writing novels on my blogs:) This will not be so long. I just wanted to share my experience this morning: I was ready to leave for work early! Usually I am rushing to get out of the house on time, but this rush. Until I reached in my purse and couldn't find my keys. Friends, immediate frustration drowned me. My husband started searching for my keys with me. We tore apart the couch, looked on the bed, under the sheets, in all our clothes drawers, in the refrigerator, in the grass outside, the mailbox, the closet...oh goodness. EVERYWHERE! In the meantime, I'm growing more and more 'moody' because I am now late to leave for work, and my only option of transportation will be to drive Zane's car...which at the moment has no air conditioning. (Being stuck in Atlanta traffic without air conditioning is not my idea of a simple pleasure in life.) Friends, I went from pleasantly content to infuriated in less than .2 seconds I think.
Once I started my journey to work, with the windows down, I immediately began praying that God would calm me down. Why on earth do we let the slightest mishaps get us so tangled up inside? Everyone loses their keys! Probably multiple times a year! As I prayed, the Holy Spirit kept having me think of all the blessings I have in life. God completely turned my discomfort into Thanksgiving. I cannot explain how wonderful that was...and how I felt like I needed to be hit over the head. For how quickly my attitude changed this morning when I realized my keys were missing...and oh have I lost them before...God does not get as easily frustrated over us when we 'lose ourselves' over and over and over and over. God patiently, and in His time, brings us back to Him.
Perhaps you do not find this as inciteful as I did...but my heart is so thankful that for as often as I ran from God, He never let me run too far. (Suddenly I get the picture in my mind of children with a leash on.) God knows exactly where we are at all times, even when we feel lost and confused. I am beyond thankful for that! I am so thankful He cares ENOUGH to watch out for me. Like a good daddy keeps tabs on his children, our Heavenly Father never lets us out of His sight.
Deut. 31:6b "He will not leave you or forsake you."
Joshua 1:5 when God is commissioning Joshua--"Just as I was with Moses, so I will be with you. I will not leave you or forsake you."
Psalms 94:14 "For the Lord will not forsake His people; He will not abandon His heritage."
Psalms 37:25 "I have been young, and now am old, yet I have not seen the righteous forsaken or His children begging for bread."
Hebrews 13:5 "Keep your life free from love of money, and be content with what you have, for He has said, 'I will never leave you nor forsake you'."
That is a promise I know God fulfills every moment. Have a blessed day, friends!

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Go Throw it Up...Now!

Good evening! I am going to be meeting new girlfriends of mine in about 30 minutes, but had to tell you to throw up first:) That is right! Go throw up all your insecurities right now!
As you all know, if you have been following this blog, I have Women's Biblestudy on Tuesday nights, and we are currently studying 'So Long, Insecurity' by Beth Moore. I have such a blessed time studying with these ladies and being in fellowship with them! However, this book gives us plenty of avenues to walk down and get off oh my did we grow up with some insecurities. Nevertheless, we are getting to the part in the book to discuss healing! We are learning how to let Christ mend our wounds so we can walk in security with Him.
Last night, we spent a lot of time talking about ways we use to be insecure, or current insecurities, and the roots that started it all. Did we not receive attention from our parents which led us to seek attention in unhealthy places? Had we experienced a lack of control in one area of our lives that we needed to be in control constantly of ourselves...and of those around us as well? One of us grew up in a family with a deep, painful secret, which they never talked about. It caused her to grow up in silence, always wondering if her parents were mad at her...if something was wrong...that it was her fault. Now she wants to deal with that and realize how it has affected her so that it does not transcend into her family today. Dear friends, we must deal with our insecurities. We need to get them pulled out by the roots. Don't fret, you don't have to do it alone. In fact, I don't believe it is possible for you to do it by yourself. "We need to let God shovel us out of insecurity, because without Him, we're stuck." (B. Moore)
Looking back over the few years of life I have experienced, I see an overwhelming mountain of insecurity that I have trudged through. God has graciously and powerfully rescued me from so much...but He still has work to do. Goodness. Each day is a new day to battle insecurity. I can truthfully tell you that when I begin thinking about future children Zane and I will have...the insecurities flood in! Will I be a good mother? Will I be able to show my children I love them equally? What will I do if one is good at the piano and another is tone deaf? What if one of my kids is a natural at sports yet wastes his talent and another longs to be able to throw a ball 10 ft.? To all you mothers out there...I am so proud of you...and thankful for you...that you have gone before me and are kind enough to let me watch and learn! Yes, be paranoid. You ARE being watched. (Don't let that make you insecure, please! I watch because I think you are so good at it and I want to learn your ways!)
In study last night, we were asked what our top 3 reasons were for why it's time to deal with our insecurity. Here are my reasons:
1) To be an example for Christ.
2) Stop wasting time on me!
3) See me how God sees me.
I suppose they are all tied in together. If I believe what I say I believe, then I know that God has the power to make me so secure in Him. That security is not meant to cause pride, but rather confidence...confidence in Jesus Christ. I long to be an example of Jesus, but as long as I'm strapped down by insecurity that cannot happen. Probably because insecurity makes you waste time on yourself! Oh, how caught up in ourselves we are to be constantly worried about how we look, how much money we make, what our friends think of us, did we say the right thing, etc. How can we focus on our relationship with Jesus when we are consumed with other people's opinions of us?!
And lastly, I want to see me how God sees me. He sees me as beautiful. As His child. He is coming back for me! He thinks I am worth it! Before I was born, He thought I was worth giving up His kingdom to be on this earth for that He could pay the price for me to join Him in heaven. Praise God for that! Praise God. Aww. You are worth it too. Everything we need is found in Jesus. All the love. All the acceptance. It is found in Him.
Here is a love song of how God feels about us. Absorb it. Take it in. And friends! See how secure we are in His hands. He will not let us go. We are safe and secure in Jesus.
"I've heard it said that a man would climb a mountain just to be with the one he loves.
How many times has he broken that promise? It has never been done.
I've never climbed the highest mountain, but I walked the hill to Calvary.
Just to be with you, I will do anything.
There's no price I would not pay. No.
Just to be with you I would give anything.
I would give my life away.
I've heard it said that a man would swim the ocean just to be with the one he loves.
All of those dreams are an empty motion. It can never be done.
I've never swam the deepest ocean. But I walked upon the raging sea.
Just to be with you I will do anything. There's no price I would not pay. no.
Just to be with you I would give anything. I would give my life away.
I know that you don't understand the fullness of My love.
How I died upon the cross for your sins.
And I know that you don't realize how much that I give you. But I promise, I would do it all again.
Just to be with you, I've done everything. There's no price I did not pay. No.
Just to be with you, I gave everything. Yes, I gave my life away.
Just to be with you." --Third Day, Love Song.
Dear friends, if you don't let God's love make you secure, then you will drown in your insecurities. He loves you deeply. Completely. Unconditionally.
God loves us so much! We have the opportunity to be secure in Him. Let's grasp it.

Tuesday, May 11, 2010


Good afternoon! I hope you are not nearly as tired as I...I have no idea why I just can't wake up. It is 4:48 pm and I do not know how I will make it through women's biblestudy this evening. However, with how much I enjoy socializing with and learning from the wonderful ladies there, I'm sure once we start talking I will wake up a bit.
So, today's topic is adoption. You probably expect me to talk to you right now about the beauty of God adopting us. Oh, I will...but not in this entry. I actually want you to pray for me and my husband. One day, God-willing, we will start down the long, tedious journey of adopting from a foreign land...
I have traveled to Romania 3 times, all during my years of college. My travels there were consumed by various mission's projects. One of the trips, my first trip there, was to work in baby orphanages. Dear friends, my heart was consumed with love for the children there. These precious babies received very little, if any, physical contact...and insanely low amounts of food. My heart broke for how the baby orphanage was run; I longed to do more. Since the spring of 2004, my heart has been passionately awaiting a moment for God to bless me with the opportunity to adopt a Romanian child.
Since 2001, Romanian adoption has been closed to inter-country adoptions. This was done for a variety of reasons; however, unless you are a blood relative of the child, adoptions have not been allowed for 9 solid years! Recently, a very dear friend of mine in Romania informed me that the laws may be changing. I cried tears of joy when I heard that.
I know that God can do anything...but for some reason, I didn't really believe He would open this door. The door has not been opened yet, but my husband and I are hopeful that in a few years we may be able to adopt a Romanian baby girl.
I would appreciate your prayers for us and for this situation. I have prayed for these laws to change for over 6 years now, and am hopeful for the day that God says YES! to this request. Here are some ways you can be prayer warriors for and with us:
1) For the law to change enabling loving parents to be allowed to adopt.
2) For me to have patience during this and rely on God's sovereignty..and Perfect will.
3) For the child that God chose long ago for us...for her health, for the parent's decisions during the pregnancy, for how Zane and I will one day explain that we adopted her...and for her to never suffer the insecurity of thinking her birth parents didn't 'want' her.
5) For ease of the process if and when the door is opened...that God will guide each step we take.
Thank you so much for coming along side us! I love praying together! Knowing that you are with us, praying for us in the years to come, means so much to me. I love each of you, and am so blessed to have you be a part of my life.

Friday, May 7, 2010


Good morning! I hope you are enjoying this beautiful day! Not too hot, but fabulously sunny. I'm loving it.
I am a music fanatic. Music reaches through my heart and into my soul only like Jesus can do. Some music..when I hear it I feel like my soul is about to burst out of me! I just want to be with Jesus right now! Unless you understand what I am saying...well, then I can't explain it. Sorry. I can't even understand it myself. But some songs, it doesn't matter how many times I sing them or hear them...I tear up every time! Every time! One time, when I was back in Chattanooga singing on a praise team there, I just lost it during a song. I'm not talking about making a spectacle of myself and drawing worship away from Christ, but I definitely had the other singer take the lead while I backed away from the mic...singing of God's grace can just choke me up!
However, sometimes words can not be expressed any clearer than how they have already been written. Hymns are so beautiful to me. So full of Jesus. Of reverence for our Amazing God! There are some songs that aren't hymns though, that swell my soul just as much. When I hear them, I know exactly who made me. I can't argue that I am clay and that the Potter is working upstairs...drawing me closer to Him with every moment. I hate that the flesh of me sometimes fights Him. After all He is taught me, I will be honest...I am so naiive at times. So stupid. Why don't I learn my lessons. To have faith. To trust in His unfailing love. He is so good to me. So good to all of us.
I want to share lyrics of a song with you. I hope they swell your soul up as well and that they become a song to your Saviour. The song is 'Wish' by Joy Williams.
For just a moment I wish I could have been there. To see Your first step, hear Your very first word. Tell me, did You ever fall and scrape Your knee? Did You know Your wounds would one day heal the world?
For just one moment I wish I could have seen You growing. Learning the ways of a carpenter's son. To walk along beside You, never look away. Just Your whisper and the wind and sea obey. To see You feed the people, to feel the healing in Your touch.
I wish I could have been there. My only wish is to see You face to face. I wish I could have been there, just to see You, Jesus, face to face.
To see You pray in the garden alone laying down Your will with each tear. To see You walk that lonely road. Willing to die for me....
And in that moment I know I should have been there. When You took my cross and gave Your life.
I wish I could have been there. I wish I could have seen You rise again. I wish I could have been there! My only wish is to see You face to face. Someday I'll be there. I'm going to be there. I'll see Your face, Your mercy Your grace. Someday. Someday. I'm going to see You, Jesus, face to face.

Oh what a day that will be! I long for that day! While I'm glad that day didn't happen last week on I-285, once that day comes, pure, unprecedented joy will surround me.
Be blessed today, dear friends!

Thursday, May 6, 2010


Today is National Day of Prayer! I hope none of us need to be reminded of that to pray. I hope we each love spending time with Jesus. God has placed a new excitement in my heart and I hope He grows the exitement within me! It is absolutely incredible the difference that is made when we pray everyday...when we start off our day with prayer and ask God to abide with us every moment of the day so we can literally be praying without ceasing. I know that God doesn't need us to pray. He doesn't need anything. But if we do not pray, it is impossible to abide in Christ. It is impossible to feel close to be intimate. How can you be close to anyone if you do not talk with them?
I am sometimes reminded of something I need to be praying for and just think I will pray about it later. Oh friends...what on earth is stopping us from praying? The mornings that I start off with God, my day goes completely different. I am so aware of His presence that I know it is okay for me to just...pray. I feel so silly that I use to think I had to set aside a time to pray. That God doesn't like sentence prayers. But dears....we are told to pray without ceasing (I Thess 5:17). I don't have to set aside a time. All of my time should be given to Jesus! Communicating with Him. Seeking His will in everything. Sounds hard to do, doesn't it? Well, I firmly believe that with Christ, we can do it. I am praying that we can! That His children will pray more and be drawn into an intimacy beyond what we ever thought possible.
As you go about your day, thank God for all His many blessings. Ask Him to make You more aware of Him in every aspect of your life. Seek first His with your Saviour! He longs to hear your voice.

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

The Bouncing Flat Tar Head Baby

Okay. Friends, women can be crazy. I had such a wonderful time last night in fellowship with the women from my Women's Biblestudy. We are currently studying So Long, Insecurity by Beth Moore...and whew do we have some insecurities that are just...well, ridiculously hilarious if you talk about them in the right tone. I do not want anyone to be insecure. I hope we all find our security in Christ and refuse to let Satan use our past or our future to make us insecure.
While discussing our insecurities last night I realized no one has made a book for Elementary and Middle school girls that will prepare them for the cruelty of this world. Let's be honest! Kids can be so mean. Little girls need to know that they are loved beyond words, and what people say should not affect how loved they feel! In middle school, 7th grade, in the center of the lunchroom, the boy I liked stood up and yelled, "I don't like Emily Williams. She is as flat as a piece of paper." Ouch. Oh yes, I cried. And that has affected me since! I remember on my wedding night being so concerned Zane wasn't going to like what he just married because I still had not developed to where I hoped to be...maybe when we have kids that will change!
I was not the only one in biblestudy last night that had been teased about being flat (the other ladies grew though). However, some of the women had other reasons to be insecure. Some women who developed early had all the guys liking them because of that. Now, that is something I am so thankful I didn't go through! I am so sorry to all of you who had to worry about if your boyfriend liked you for you, or for what God gave you.
Some of us have issues with holding onto things. Apparently, the generation ahead of me had dolls that rotted after time. (No thanks. I will stick with Barbies.) One of the women hated that her dolls bodies always rotted away, but she still had the heads! She would play with beheaded doll heads! If you are thinking what I am thinking..then yes, Law & Order should make an episode of a crazed woman that became a schizophrenic around the time she beheaded her dolls. Haha...but to the serious side. Her parents one day threw away all her doll heads. That was it. No more dolls to play with. In fact, lots of the women in Biblestudy knew of people whose parents would just get rid of all the toys without notice. Now, it causes them to hold onto EVERYTHING...afraid that if they don't, they will lose what is precious to them now.
One woman had so many issues growing up, she would bounce her head on her pillow...really...every night until she fell asleep. (Fortunately that stopped when she got married.) When one woman was a little girl, her mom always put tar in her hair. I'm sure she was made fun of, but when she was little, she probably had no idea how ridiculous it looked!
I hope some of these stories you can relate to. I also hope that some of these stories you laugh at! They are each in our past. God is drawing us into security in Him. We do not have to worry about being flat, or bouncy, or losing things. God loves us so much for who He made us to be. He fearfully and wonderfully made each of us. He will love us tomorrow, and the next day, and continue to love us...FOREVER! If that doesn't make you secure, then nothing will.
"Even when you are old, I will be the same. Even when your hair has turned gray, I will take care of you. I made you and will take care of you. I will carry you and save you." Isa. 46:4
"I have chosen you and have not rejected you. So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God." Isa. 41:9-10
"Don't be misled, my dear brothers and sisters. Whatever is good and perfect comes down to us from God our Father, who created all the lights in the heavens. He never changes or casts a shifting shadow. He chose to give birth to us by giving us His true Word. And we, out of all creation, became His prized possession." James 1:16-18
Now read Psalms 139. Soak it all in. God loves us so much. There is absolutely no reason for us to be insecure. We are the King of Kings', the Lord of Lords', the Maker of Heaven and Earth's, Prized Possession. Yes. Let that smile creep across your face. Be filled with joy. God loves us with an immeasurable love. He will never leave nor forsake us. He cannot be taken from us. He thinks even with tar in our hair that we are beautiful.
God bless each of you! Have a wonderful day. Go out and be confident in Jesus Christ...know that you were fearfully and wonderfully made.

Obsessed Part II

Good afternoon! I hope you have had a good first part of the week. I keep meaning to go by this restaurant in downtown Athens and buy some of their Mint Green Tea, but have yet to do so! Ever since I tried it, normal Green Tea just has not...well, hit the same spot. The problem is, I cannot remember what the restaurant was called!!!
In the last entry I spoke of my desire to be Obsessed with Christ. I hope He is drawing me closer to Him and completely taking over my mind. I shared a lot from Crazy Love and was hoping you would be okay with me sharing a bit more. I just wanted to share with you the examples Frances Chan gave in his book on what being obsessed with Christ would and should look like. Without further ado:
1) People who are obsessed with Jesus give freely and openly, without censure. Obsessed people love those who hate them and who can never love them back.
2) People who are obsessed with Jesus aren't consumed with their personal safety and comfort above all else. Obsessed people care more about God's kingdom coming to this earth than their own lives being shielded from pain or distress.
3) People who are obsessed with Jesus live lives that connect them with the poor in some way or another. Obsessed people believe that Jesus talked about money and the poor so often because it was really important to Him (1 John 2:4-6; Matt. 16:24-26.)
4) Obsessed people are more concerned with obeying God than doing what is expected or fulfilling the status quo. A person who is obsessed with Jesus will do things that don't always make sense in terms of success or wealth on this earth. As Martin Luther put it, "There are two days on my calendar: this day and that day" (Luke 14:25-35; Matt. 7:13-23; 8: 18-22;
Rev. 3:1-6).
5) A person who is obsessed with Jesus knows that the sin of pride is always a battle. Obsessed people know that you can never be 'humble enough,' and so they seek to make themselves less known and Christ more known (Matt. 5:16).
6) People who are obsessed with Jesus do not consider service a burden. Obsessed people take joy in loving God by loving His people (Matt 13:44; John 15:8).
7) People who are obsessed with God are known as givers, not takers. Obsessed people genuinely think that others matter as much as they do, and they are particularly aware of those who are poor around the world (James 2:14-26).
8) A person who is obsessed thinks about heaven frequently. Obsessed people orient their lives around eternity; they are not fixed only on what is here in front of them.
9: A person who is obsessed is characterized by committed, settled, passionate love for God, above and before every other thing and every other being.
10) People who are obsessed are raw with God; they do not attempt to mask the ugliness of their sins or their failures. Obsessed people don't put it on for God; He is their safe place, where they can be at peace.
11) People who are obsessed with God have an intimate relationship with Him. They are nourished by God's Word throughout the day because they know that forty minutes on Sunday is not enough to sustain them for a whole week, especially when they will encounter so many distractions and alternative messages.
12) A person who is obsessed with Jesus is more concerned with his or her character than comfort. Obsessed people know that true joy doesn't depend on circumstances or environment; it is a gift that must be chosen and cultivated, a gift that ultimately comes from God
(James 1:2-4).
13) A person who is obsessed with Jesus knows that the best thing he can do is be faithful to his Saviour in every aspect of his life, continually saying "Thank You!" to God. An obsessed person knows there can never be intimacy if he is always trying to pay God back or work hard enough to be worthy. He revels in his role as child and friend of God.
I am His child! So often I forget that. I want to tell God what I think His plan should be, instead of sitting at His feet and saying, 'Father, what will You be teaching me today. How can I submit to Your perfect will?' Even typing those words seems hard for me to do. I know that far too often I want Him to come along side of my wants and desires rather than the other way around.
Friends, I have a long way to go to get to complete and total obsession. But, I can honestly say, I feel more captivated by Him than I ever have and I long to be closer to Him. More of a child to my Father. Less known and Him more known. Live His will. Forget my will.
To God be the glory. All glory. All honor. All praise.

Sunday, May 2, 2010


Good evening! I hope you had a fantastic weekend! Doesn't it always seem like weekends go too fast? However, since the weekend went so quickly, I am even closer to traveling to Knoxville to see my little brother run track next Saturday. Every semester while he has been in college, I have tried to see him run. This semester, I have not been able to yet. I eagerly await cheering for him obnoxiously in 6 days. (I have no idea how I will survive if my future children play sports. I get so nervous!!!)
This evening, my husband and I hosted bible study at our house. Our LifeGroup has been studying Francis Chan's book Crazy Love. If you have not read the book...please, go out and find a copy. It is so convicting! And so moving. Crazy Love is geared to exposing the lie that you can be a lukewarm Christian. You can't. As a Christian, you are supposed to be compelled to be more like Christ. If you have asked Him to come into your heart, your life, then you have asked Him to change you. To break you and mold you into the person He wants you to be. And dear friends, He does not want us to be lukewarm. I would go as far as saying it disgusts Him. If we call ourselves Christians, how could we be lukewarm? Doesn't it make more sense to ask, how could we not be completely obsessed with Christ?
We are taught to be consumed with Christ and to live out His words. We are taught to love people, even those who hate us. Who hurt us. We are commanded to give without expecting anything in return. To forgive, even if an apology has not been offered. Umm. I am not really good at that. In fact, even after someone apologizes, I am not the best at forgiving. That is so sad for me to say. After all Christ went through, for me, how could I withold forgiveness. From anyone. No matter what they did. Francis Chan says in chapter 8 that "obsessed people care more about God's kingdom coming to this earth than their own lives being shielded from pain or distress."
Friends, you may be the only person who shows Jesus to someone. I am praying for God to make me radically obsessed with Him. I can honestly tell you that after the experience my husband and I had on I-285 the other day, I am enormously aware of God's presence in my life. I just want to live for Him! I don't want anything to come into my life that could preoccupy me. I want God to be my everything. For no one to even meet me, or even look at me, without catching a glimpse of Jesus. Does that seem crazy to you? I firmly believe that there are people who are so intimate with Jesus that you cannot speak to them without hearing His name. In fact, I have met people like that. I want Christ to do more in my heart than that. I want people to not be able to have a conversation with me without speaking to Jesus. Oh, how great it would be if God drew me so close to Himself that only He could speak through me. That my words would be so few, He would guide my every sound.
I just want to leave you with a question. I hope you desire to be obsessed with Jesus. I know it won't be the most comfortable experience, or even the easiest decision. But America needs to see Christians who are obsessed, instead of people who say they believe in Jesus and then live as if they never heard good news. Have a blessed week, and ponder this:
"If one person 'wastes' away his day by spending hours connecting with God, and the other person believes he is too busy or has better things to do than worship the Creator and Sustainer, who is the crazy one?"