Sunday, February 13, 2011

Rupturing Faith

It began in September 2005. I was sitting on the couch with my dear friend, Alison, when I suddenly had a severe pain in my right lower abdomen. I couldn't move. I felt like a knife was rolling around against my muscles, and it was all I could do to keep from shrieking in pain. Whatever this was new.
I was diagnosed with PolyCystic Ovarian Disorder in November 2005. While I didn't suffer the characteristics of PCOS as other girls might (facial hair, weight-gain), the cysts and the fact that I had stopped ovulating (when regular for 7 years) was alarming to my gynecologist...and the cysts became a regular occurrence in my life, rupturing 2-3 times a month. When they would rupture, I would curl up in the fetal position and wait for them to pass....the pain usually lasting 30 min-1 hour. I learned that spicy food affected the cysts, which was not really a problem since I hate spicy food to begin with. Also, for whatever reason, Honey Oat wheat bread from subway set them off. I know, odd.
One would think that when cysts are continually rupturing in your body, you would seek all of the details. I didn't. In fact, I just decided that I would never take pain relievers for them. I would see it as learning how to cope with pain better.
When Zane and I got engaged, it seemed a good time to learn all that I could about these cysts. That is when I heard, for the first time, that the likelihood of pregnancy was minimal. If I were to get pregnant, I should expect multiple miscarriages, with no promise of carrying a child full-term.
For someone who loves kids as much as me, perhaps I should have been more devastated. Instead, I went to the Lord. I told Him that He knew my heart, and either my faith would increase miscarriage upon miscarriage, or my faith would increase with the miracle of conceiving easily. And I praised Him all the more! I praised God that I was the one with cysts. You see, I have a passion for adoption. I cannot wait until the Lord opens the doors for Zane and I to adopt. I praised Him that this happened to me, someone who will have a beautiful child one way or the other, versus someone who may be against adopting. To me, this diagnosis just confirmed that God was growing adoption in my heart to lessen the pain of...infertility.
Well, the cysts became more frequent. And larger. This past July, 2010, I woke up to an extreme amount of pain on a Sunday morning, 7:30 am, and curled up in my fetal position waiting for it to pass. And waited. And waited. At 11:30, I texted my husband at church and told him I had to get to the hospital. This cyst was different. And for all I knew, it could have been my appendix.
Once at the hospital, they began testing me for all sorts of things. I explained to them that the severity of the pain and the length of time I felt it was uncommon to me. They had to confirm that my appendix had not been affected, that it indeed was a cyst, and that it had not 'killed' my ovary. Apparently, my cysts had grown so large that upon rupture, it could twist my ovary, which would 'kill' it. And the chances of me ever conceiving would lessen even more.
Up until then, when a cyst would rupture I would text a few people and say something like this: a cyst just ruptured. Please pray that the pain will pass quickly. When I left the hospital, I realized that God is so much bigger than that. I had not been trusting Him. I started asking my dear friends and family to pray that God, instead of taking away my pain, would heal me. He could. I knew it. And I asked them to pray that I would have faith.
In October, I was anxiously awaiting a visit with my gyno. It was then, October 13, that I learned my cysts were gone. Gone. My doctor wasn't sure how....but, it was clear. I had been healed. She must have thought I was crazy when I told her how God had healed me. But friends, He had. He has!
My doctor let me know how my life had changed. I was healthy. I could get pregnant. In fact, she said that it should come fairly quickly when my husband and I start trying, and even gave me some lollipops to help with morning sickness.
Zane and I didn't even get to try! We were pregnant before we could even map out a plan to try. haha. And here I am, 9 wks, 3 days, tired of morning sickness that lasts all day, but never the less...healed. God took away my cysts, and gave me a baby. Baby Seals may just have eyes, lips, ears, a heart, a brain, webbed fingers and toes, a spine, and a bunch of water to hang around in for the months to come, but this baby is a miracle. A miracle.
Zane and I still plan to adopt. Of course. But my oh my how our home is going to have a biological child.... God is good. Always. And in every way. And friends, He always will be. And one day, I get to share with my baby how he/she came to be, after 5 years of near impossibility.

Praise God from Whom ALL blessings flow!