Thursday, April 21, 2011

Dancing

I love dancing.  I love watching dancing.  It is so beautiful the emotions that can be expressed without ever uttering a sound.  I view life as a dance, one that we salsa to, swing to, and sometimes just get down in the dirt with the messy and grind to.  My one and only tattoo is in Hebrew and it is of the verb 'to dance.'  This serves as a reminder to me to let my life be a beautiful dance to the Lord.  And only to Him.
Lately my dance for Jesus has been....how do I say it....pure elated next to exhausted.  Being pregnant brings out a whole new range of emotions for me, and surprises.  And the desire to 'train my child in the way he/she should go' is entwined with the fear of failing miserably.  How do we discipline and show God's grace at the same time?  How do we teach while unconditionally loving?  My parents did such a beautiful job....but when it is your own child, Lord give me strength to honor You in ALL things!  As I dance before my little ones eyes, may it be a reflection of You!
Today we had an ultrasound, and our little miracle is doing great (refer back to previous posts to see where cysts were going to make this possibility slim, but God healed!).  Our baby loves music and dances--well kicks and pokes from what I can feel--when we listen to Frank Sinatra or good 'ole hymns.  Today they had music playing and our baby was going nuts!  Pumping its hands above it's little head, clapping, twisting.  Baby has rhythm:)  And I long for the day when I get to see my little one, this precious gift of God, dance around in the living room (or on daddy's feet if it is a girl).  And I pray that this little one will one day know my Saviour as its Saviour, and be able to dance before our Father as he/she goes through life. 

Friday, April 8, 2011

Lullaby #2

This song is by Sidewalk Prophets.  I'm not going to list all of the lyrics on here, because baby hasn't lived enough life yet for us to talk when the baby hurts.  Still, when I first heard this song, I knew I wanted my baby to hear these words.  Then a few months later, baby was conceived:
Three in the morning and I'm still awake
So I picked up a pen and a page
I started writing just what I'd say if we were face to face
I'd tell you just what you mean to me; tell you these simple truths:
Be strong in the Lord and never give up hope
You're going to do great things.  I already know!
God's got His hand on you so don't live life in fear
Forgive and forget but don't forget why you're here
Take your time and pray.  These are the words I would say.
I want to tell you that I keep on praying
Love will find you where you are
I know because I've already been there, so please hear these simple truths:
From one simple life to another, I will say, Come find peace in the Father
Be strong in the Lord and never give up hope
You're going to do great things.  I already know!
God's got His hand on you so don't live life in fear
Forgive and forget but don't forget why you're here
Take your time and pray. 

These are the words I will tell you one day, Baby Seals.

Thursday, April 7, 2011

Baby Seals Lullaby

Friends, I just love songs.  I love music!  The emotions that are conjured up, whether with words or wordless, are indescribable in a well written lyric!
Well, Baby Seals needs a collection, so I'm going to start posting songs that I will also be writing in the Baby journal.  Maybe they will serve as encouragement one day to my little:)  If nothing else, it will always be a reminder to baby that mommy and daddy have been praying for its life before baby was even conceived!
So, I am going to start this with a song that Zane actually put on a playlist when we were engaged:  songs that he felt for me.  I'm sharing the dedication with the creation God is letting us make.
Rascal Flatts:  My Wish
I hope the days come easy and the moments pass slow, and each road leads you where you want to go.  And if you're faced with a choice and you have to choose I hope you choose the one that means the most to you.
And if one door opens to another door closed I hope you keep on walking til you find the window.  If it's cold outside, show the world the warmth of your smile.  But more than anything, more than anything,
My wish for you is that this life becomes all that you want it to
Your dreams stay big, your worries stay small, you never need to carry more than you can hold. 
And while you're out there gettin where you're gettin to I hope you know somebody loves you and wants the same things too.  Yeah this is my wish.
I hope you never look back but you never forget all the ones who love you and the ones you left (not until college, baby seals!!!!).  I hope you always forgive and you never regret and you help somebody every chance you get.
Oh you'd find God's grace in every mistake and always give more than you take.  But more than anything, more than anything,
My wish for you is that this life becomes all that you want it to
Your dreams stay big, your worries stay small, you never need to carry more than you can hold.
And while you're out there gettin where you're gettin to I hope you know somebody loves you and wants the same things too.  yeah this is my wish.

Baby Seals Craziness

I never knew pregnancy was going to be so difficult. Goodness....where is my glow?

Haha....I've wanted a baby for so long. I always wondered if it would happen biologically first or if we would adopt. From here on, I'm even a stronger advocate of adoption than before. I've been so stinkin sick. Nevertheless, I'm praising God for giving us this miracle after healing my body from cysts.

I started feeling the baby move about 2 wks ago....oh its little popcorn kicks! I was sitting in a meeting and felt something and knew it wasn't gas or my stomach growling....WHAT WAS THAT!!! All I could think of was Sigourney Weaver in the series aliens. I feel like my baby is trying to rip out of my stomach. Am I the only woman who wants to puke when her baby moves? Goodness....there is something moving inside of me!

Pregnancy has been rough. Between vomiting, I have constant nausea. The growing pains are...hmm, practice for labor I suppose, though I know these growing pains don't compare at all to how I'm going to fill as this baby rips me apart. Ok, let's not dwell on that. I told my sister-in-law several weeks ago that I'd rather my baby be tearing me apart then making all food and liquid come up. I definitely prefere pain over...regurgitation. (Maybe my mind will change come September.)

Oh, Baby Seals. How mommy is going to get you back once you are here:) Okay, no I won't...unless you don't get a full ride to college! I just love you, love you, love you (and will love you more if you can sing on key, and love music, and are athletic, and aren't embarrassed by mommy yelling at the ref's when they make calls in favor of the other team).

Oh may God give me the grace to not plan my child's life. He already has. And He has numbered the days. Praise God that His plan is perfect, and that this baby is fearfully and wonderfully made in His image. May my baby grow to sing His praises all the days of its life.

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Then Sings My Soul--Mercy

Good morning, friends! I'm so glad to be back blogging. I don't know what I was doing not writing! It is such a great outlet.
I have been hearing a new song lately on the radio that is so moving. It is one of those that you have to relate to if you have ever been through any sort of trial, and a song that reminds you that you are not alone during the hard times...that the hard times are quite possibly a disguise. This song I plan on carrying in my heart for the rest of my life, being constantly reminded of God's ceaseless grace in the presence of turmoil. He really does shadow us with His wings!
This song is very straight forward, so I'm going to hop to it. Cherish these lyrics. Let them penetrate. And please use this time to reflect in your own life on how God has been your strong shoulder, and will be there to catch every tear that falls from your face. If you are walking down a difficult road right now, be reminded of His love. I hope this song helps you to look up and let His face shine down upon you.
Laura Story--Blessings
We pray for blessings. We pray for peace. Comfort for family, protection while we sleep.
We pray for healing, for prosperity. We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering.
All the while, You hear each spoken need Yet Love is way to much to give us lesser things
Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near
And what if trials of this life...are Your mercies in disguise
We pray for wisdom. Your voice to hear. And we cry in anger when we cannot feel You near.
We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love. As if every promise from Your Word is not enough.
And all the while You hear each desperate plea And long that we'd have faith to believe
Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near
And what if trials of this life...are Your mercies in disguise
When friends betray us; when darkness seems to win
We know the pain reminds this heart that this is not, this is not our Home!
Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near
What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can't satisfy
And what if trials of this life, the rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are Your mercies in disguise

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

March

Friends, I have been away for quite a while! It isn't that I haven't had tons to write about....I just find it so exhausting being pregnant that all I want to do is lay on the couch when I get home from work.
But that isn't the only reason why I have been avoiding writing. The month of March was simply....exhausting, difficult, and one that my husband and I want to skip from now on. You know, just have 11 months during the year instead of 12. Maybe extend February and April to cover up the horrible month we just went through.
It started with me getting pneumonia, which was a terribly stressful time since I'm pregnant. Fortunately, the baby survived just fine in my womb, sucking up all the nutrients I was putting in, making it longer for me to recover. As soon as I was well, my husband received news that a job he was in the running for waited too long under federal guidelines to hire him under that particular program....waited 1 week too long. Yay for the government. A day later, our beautiful german shepherd/rottweiler 4 year old Moxie passed away due to a stroke. No sign. Completely healthy. I was working and received the terrible news. Zane was home and witnessed the whole minute of pain that took Moxie's life. Torn between grieving and trying to be strong for my husband, Frisbee (our little dog and best friends with Moxie), and our unborn child, I rarely let myself cry....which probably explains why every few days tears stream down my face as I remember my beautiful baby girl:( But, light was around the corner as a puppy, that just so happened to Divinely (thank you God!) be a german shepherd/rottweiler mix, born right before Moxie's birthday, arrive at the shelter the week of Moxie's death. We went to look at her....and it was clear. She was going home with us. But within a week, she came down with pneumonia! (Bet you didn't know dogs could get pneumonia!) Fortunately the shelter we adopted our new pup, Caprica, from, also gave us 60 days of pet insurance. So pouring out hundreds of dollars, we are now waiting to be reimbursed by the insurance.
Then, my dear Aunt Doris died.  I had only been around my Aunt Doris a handful of times in my lifetime, yet I knew she was a woman of God.  She is definitely in heaven with Him.  Still, there was no way we could travel to the funeral.  And her funeral was one that I would have liked to have gone to...witnessing people, while mourning, rejoicing in the life God allowed her to lead, and rejoicing in the anticipation she had of going Home. 
Then, to wrap it up, a title that my husband was sure to receive, that he most definitely earned, which would propel him through the Federal Government, passed over his name in their selections. Simply to say, I have been so held down by life and it always changing, that this blog was the last thing on my mind. But now, as I have time to reflect, be sure to stay here as I update you on a new goal of mine, the gift God gave me through Moxie, the growth of our developing baby, and some songs that are touching my life and sure to touch yours. In the meantime, grace and peace to you in our Father through the Lord, Jesus Christ!