Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Sitting on an Ice Block

Good evening, friends! I hope you had a wonderful Tuesday. The week isn't quite half-way to the weekend...but it is for me! Oh yes. Because on Thursday, we are headed to the beach, and I cannot wait. This will be our vacation for the summer...4 brilliant days, and I am going to soak it all in! (Hopefully without the sunburn...)
I know I have told you this before, but I am so blessed to have wise and open women to share with in Women's Biblestudy. I adore Tuesday evenings and all the stories we share. The praises to God and the prayer requests. The insecurities and fears. And the desires for God to heal the wounds in our lives. Friends, God has blessed me so much with these women! And yes, the funny title for this blog did, in fact, come from our time shared together. It evolved from our discussion of tearing during childbirth. Yes. Before you turn away in disgust, the funny part about it...in a painful, funny way...is I know someone who happened to have to sit on a block of ice for a full 24 hours because of tearing. I don't know about you, but for me, who am childless at this point in my life (except for my 2 beautiful pups), that makes me NOT want to push any thing out of me. Adoption, which is already appealing to me...well, I could definitely only adopt if it would keep myself from sitting on ice. Oh, the numbness of it all!!!
Speaking of numb, have you grown numb to your insecurities? Are you so preoccupied putting on a secure mask to allow God to mend your wounds, your fears? To let Him clothe you in strength and dignity? If I can say one thing in this post, it is to ask you not to ignore the areas of your life that need a Saviour. God is waiting to take care of you. He just wants you to ask for help. And when you do, I guarantee you that He will come to your aid.
"This is the confidence we have in approaching God; that if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us. And if we know that He hears us--whatever we ask--we know that we have what we asked of Him." 1 John 5:14-15
Do you remember my revealing post of my own insecurities? How afraid I was that God wouldn't use me in a great way...but even more so, that He didn't want to? In Beth Moore's book, So Long, Insecurity, she quoted someone saying, "I sometimes feel insignificant--like I was born for something great but that I wasted it and I'll never get there now. I wonder if God gave my resources to somebody else like the parable of the talents." Did that sum up how I felt, or what! Now, since then I have grown, by God's mercy and grace, to trust He has a purpose for me and will see it through. (It had something to do with spinning out on I-285 and firmly believing at that moment, God has me here for a reason. Praise God! Now may I open my eyes and ears wide enough to follow His perfect will for my life!)
First, before we can become secure, we have to get our strength and dignity back. Insecurity causes us to do such stupid things. Hurtful things. Things that we later loathe and are disgusted in ourselves for doing. Insecurity can make us feel dirty. Used up. Unwanted. Unloved. Unattractive. Undesirable. Confused. Lifeless. Alone. Fragile. Angry. Depressed. Insecurity is just painful, no matter how you look at it. And sitting on an Ice Block, while it may numb the pain, it will not heal you. Only time can...God's time. God's hands.
Mark 8:22-25 says, "Jesus came to Bethsaida; and they brought a blind man to Him, begged Him to touch him. So He took the blind man by the hand and led him out of the town. And when He had spit on His eyes and put His hands on him, He asked him if he saw anything. And he looked up and said, 'I see men like trees, walking.' Then He put His hands on his eyes again and made him look up. And he was restored and saw everyone clearly."
Jesus was not content to 'improve' the man's sight. He wanted to heal his sight...entirely. Friends, becoming secure women (and men, if you are reading this) will take time. "It is God's will for you to have your dignity and security restored...God wills for us to walk out the depth and breadth of our lives with dignity and security. Neither God nor you have anything to gain by your persistent insecurity" (Beth Moore). He will give you security. He will restore your dignity. All you have to do is ask, and lean on His unfailing love!
Beth Moore felt led to have her readers pray during a particular chapter. A 30 minute of uninterrupted, soul crying out, heart wrenching, eye opening, deep intimacy kind of prayer. And it was so worth it. I won't write out the entire prayer. But I do want to share with you a little of it. My prayer is that this will resound so deeply within me that God strengthens me day by day for His glory. I also pray He will strengthen you the same. And that we can become secure in Him, together, as we walk through this journey of life. Pray along as you read if you feel so led. But please, pray for me as I seek security in Christ.
Dear God,
I come to You this moment because I need some things only You can give me. I need restoration, Lord. Your desire is for me to be free of every unhealthy motivation. Reveal any place these traits reside uncontested in me, and supply the courage I need to refuse to do their bidding. As You reveal Yourself to me, I ask that You also mercifully reveal myself to me. Help me to trust that You only shed light where You're willing to heal. Forgive me for turning too many things into competitions. For being so fixated on what I don't have that I leave the gifts You've given me undeveloped and much less effective than You intend them to be. Forgive me for my unbelief. If I realized how valuable I am, my insatiable need for affirmation would be quieted. Help me to recognize any form of pride or unbelief and to refuse it immediately. Flood my life with purpose and compassion. Be my strength in weakness. Grant me the gift of healthy grief that does not fight the pain or the process of healing. Where I lost innocence, grant me integrity. Don't stop until You've made a miracle of me. You are my security, O God. You are the one sure thing. When everything around me shakes, You are unshakeable. You knew what You were doing when You formed me in my mother's womb. Nothing is without purpose. Nothing has thrown off the plan. Every gift, challenge, and obstacle is meant to shape the specific destiny You ordained for me before time began. Your intent is to make a wonder out of me and show what You can do through me. you mean to increase the praise that comes to You because of my life. Help me to resign my position as a game player and manipulator without resigning myself to a life of misuse. Clothe me with strength and dignity. Give me the discernment to call a lie a lie. Make me the kind of woman a little girl could follow to dignity and security.
In Jesus' saving and delivering name,

Be blessed, friends! I love you, and am praying that you also will be clothed in strength and dignity...and security in Christ.
--This blog is inspired by Beth Moore's book, So Long, Insecurity.

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