It has been two months since I experienced just what the Bible means when it repeatedly says "pangs of a woman in labor." I don't regret a moment of my labor. My birth story is beautiful, overflowing with God's grace. I don't know what I was thinking believing that the pain couldn't be THAT bad. I was wrong. Still, feeling every contraction and pushing out my beautiful blessing from my Father was and is indescribable.
But, this isn't to talk about my labor. This post is to talk about the beautiful gift that God allowed my husband and I to create. The beautiful gift created by the beautiful gift of love. All because God, in His grace and mercy, looked down from above, fearfully and wonderfully knitted me together in my mother's womb, planned my life, and predestined this girl from Knoxville to fall in love with an incredible man from Chattanooga, vow before God, family, and friends to love each other through thick and thin, and then He generously allowed our love to make a beautiful baby boy.
Breathtaking. I am in awe of God. I am humbled. I did nothing to deserve the life He has given me. But He wanted to give me this life anyways. All I can do in return is seek Him first, let Him pour into me so fully that I overflow Him into the lives around me, and live every day as a Song to my King.
My baby boy is swinging next to me and I'm crocheting a frog beanie, enjoying a cup of Mint Chocolate coffee, and listening to a CD that has nothing written on it. It didn't have a case. I wasn't sure if it was a CD I burned while in college, if it belongs to my husband, or if it even had anything on it. So I popped it in to find out the answer to those questions, as well as have music on so that little Roman stays asleep in his swing. Turns out, it is a CD that a friend of mine in college gave to me several years ago. The very first song captivated me. I know I've listened to this CD before, so I am baffled as to how I didn't recognize the first song in the least.
Needless to say, God wanted me to find this CD and put it in. It is stirring my heart in so many ways. I am experiencing a beautiful, blessed hour in my home. Just me, my Father, and the blessings He has surrounded me with. Most of these songs are perfectly focused on all Christ has done for us. Drawing me into Him. Calling me closer. Reminding me of the Faithful One. My soul needed this. I needed this. Sometimes, despite us being surrounded by Him and held by Him, we are still too busy to breathe in His presence. Ahh, what sweet presence I am experiencing right now. I couldn't help but put down my yarn and needle and blog this moment. I hope that someone reads this and either knows this feeling, or takes the moment now to bask in His Glory.
As I usually do, I'm going to share the lyrics with you of the first song that God used to draw me in today. The song is called Beautiful, Scandalous Night.
Go on up to the mountain of Mercy to the crimson perpetual tide Kneel down on the shore Be thirsty no more Go under and be purified Follow Christ to the Holy Mountain Sinner, sorry and wrecked by the fall Cleanse your heart and your soul in the fountain that flows for you and for me and for all On the hillside you will be delivered At the foot of the cross, justified. And your spirit restored by the river that pours From our blessed Saviour's side You carry the sin of mankind on your back and the sky went black. At the wonderful, tragic, mysterious tree On that beautiful, scandalous night you and me Were atoned by His blood and forever washed white On that beautiful, scandalous night. On that beautiful, scandalous night. On that beautiful, scandalous, miraculous night.
"Let no one say when he is tempted, "I am being tempted by God," for God cannot be tempted with evil, and He Himself tempts no one. But each person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desire. Then desire when it has conceived gives birth to sin, and sin when it is fully grown brings forth death." James 1: 13-15
I have been reading through the Bible chronologically since last September. I should be done by now, but have let things get in the way and am currently in my last few weeks. It has been such a journey. I read through the Bible when I was younger. It was a rule in our house. To get your driving permit, you had to read the Old Testament. For your license, the New Testament. Truthfully though, I probably skimmed more than read. I didn't want to postpone my permit or license any longer than necessary. I read just enough to give my parents a summary of the chapters each day. Now that I'm reading through it on my own, desiring to learn more and soak Scripture in, I am enjoying completely. When I'm finished, I will start again. How important it is to eat our Daily Bread!
When I read the book of James yesterday, I was struck by these verses. I knew them to be true, yet how often have I in my own life accused God of tempting me. I might call it a 'test' instead to try and justify my accusations, but nonetheless I was wrong in doing so. God always gives a door out to resist temptation, but He does not lead us into the room. Satan does, to try and ruin our reputation, as well as taking down a few onlookers in the process. As believers, we need to be clothed in armor. We need to recognize that our desires are at war within us, raging and trying to cripple us. The Holy Spirit is at work changing us, but we give our flesh power when we submit to our desires. And how often does it birth sin! Before long that desire grows and grows until it brings forth death. We need to guard our hearts. Clothe ourselves in Jesus. Submit to the Holy Spirit. And pray for our brothers and sisters. "Every good and perfect gift is from above," and in letting Christ pour through our lives, being visible to the world, we can allow Him to magnify His perfect gifts rather than us magnifying our broken lives that our wrapped in tempting desires and death.
God has made His children beautiful. And blessed. "Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him." James 1:12
